This page is for emergency use only. You probably got here because I no longer have a Facebook page for this blog, but for some preposterous reason still maintain what appears to be a link to it on the main page. I have no comment on that for the moment, other than to say, a link to Facebook looks like I run a tight ship, and as we all know, appearances can make all the difference.

In any case, I highly doubt you are having an emergency. There is nothing to see here. Move along. I know you have better things to do.

I mean, I would assume so.

Just because I don't, doesn't mean you don't have anything of any importance to attend to.

Really, just go back the way you came. Browsers have a "back button" for a reason. This is one of those reasons.

Well, do you read all the text on a page just because it's there?

That kind of behavior could, hypothetically, lead to trouble some day.

And yet here we are, having the equivalent of a staring contest on the internet.

You know how people say, "there's no there, there?" Well it's like that here. There's no here, here.

I sense that you doubt me. I assure you, my word is like iron: solid, dependable, prone to oxidation, melts at high temperature, may or may not contain impurities, could probably be used against me, but still pretty good, all things considered.

Are the paragraph breaks getting bigger, or is it just me? I think it's you.

Yep, see. It's you.

You can't win.

Whatever contest you imagine you are in against me, you could not possibly hope to win.

I mean, you don't even know the rules.

Oh you didn't think there were rules?!? What planet are you from?

Well, I guess you still have a chance.

A very slim chance.

It's getting subatomically slim.

And yet you persist.

Foolish naive reader. Did you know that in this imaginary game, the mere act of reading this sentence disqualifies you from winning? I mean, assuming this is really a contest--I guess it might as well be, since you're so gung-ho about it. And to think, I warned you about reading every line of text. And yet you walked face first into this.

You lose.

Life isn't fair.

But I am a kind and merciful blogger, so you can have a consolation prize.

For taking 2nd place in a two-person imaginary game with questionable and ambiguous rules, vs someone you don't even know.


The game was your idea, remember?  It wasn't I who foolishly kept reading and scrolling far beyond where most reasonable people would've stopped.

So don't yell at me if you don't like your prize. A prize for LOSING, I remind you.

Gimme a sec, I have to whip something up.

You wonder if in fact you lost, or if this is still part of "the game?"

The plot thickens...

Haha no, you definitely lost. [But didn't we all win, just by playing?]

[No. Where do you think you are, at a liberal arts college?]

So here's your prize:

Thanks for "playing."


Also a funny:

So you thought last place warranted a victory lap?

 You fucking weirdo.

Whatevs, I guess even special people have their place. Here's a bonus funny:

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